Twin PlayDate Etiquette

image from Twins Magazine

Admittedly, PlayDate Etiquette s is a slippery slope for any parent. And Twin PlayDate Etiquette gives the 'slope' mountainous proportions.

It's real. I'm going to address it anyway.

Because today I had to do just that. As a mother of Twins, we are learning daily how to navigate the path of parenting multiples. You see as a mama to twins who are my only children. Everyday is a new day, every day is new.

On any given day, I can be vastly experienced or enormously inexperienced.

It started early. The boys were five months old when a sweet friend I met at the "Mommy & Me" classes had a birthday party for her child. This child was her oldest turning 2 and she had her newborn a month before our twins were born.

I'll have to tell you, I was not ready to navigate the waters of birthday parties just when my twin sons were turning five months. However, I wanted to help celebrate with my new friend and her son. So we chose to go.

Both boys were invited. It was great fun.

Fastforward seven years, and the Play Dates( yes we are getting to the edge of the water wherein we must call these events something much more Tiger-ish. Nonetheless.) are in full swing - separate play dates that is. Why does this have to be so difficult? It is not . In theory, it's not. Yet, in a child's mind, it is unthinkable to invite his best friend to a party and not include his soulmate.

You can find some insight here. However, I'll give my own Mama insight here. Because I am the Mama. And we know best - we try to know best, we want to know best, we seek to know and do our best.

Somehow that doesn't make a difference in these situations. Today it happened. Tiger A was invited on a playdate with his friend and 'former classmate.' Since our boys are in different classes this has provided the opportunity for them to make their own friends.

During the school year, it was a delicate balance. Play date with John and play date with Steve. Then I would host all the children. Football camp would ensue, etc. It worked.

Some mothers are not comfortable hosting 'football camp' or large groups of seven year old boys. So that puts Carolina Mama in a precarious position with her sons.

Today, only Twin A had a playdate. Twin B, couldn't shake it. He was sad and then he burst into tears. It seemed so easy to understand to me. So I tried to relay this with ease. I attempted to remind him that his best friend is in Sweden for the summer. It did nothing to console him. Was it even worth it! One child happily playing at his friends while the other child wept. I instantly re-juggled the things we were planning to do.

Then I felt like I should be honest and appeal to his intellect because he does display it regularly besides in his excellent classroom scores. Nothing made sense. Nothing except a little help from Starbucks Vivanno Protein Shake - Banana Mango.

So I found myself thinking of how to navigate this road and how my other multiple moms will handle it too.

We'll just call these:

"Twin Mama Tackles The Separate PlayDates"

1) When you can, schedule both children's play dates on the same day with their respective friends. Unless this, of course, is the coveted "individual time" for the other Twin. We all know "individual time" is to be cherished. This is beneficial once they are comfortable with separate play date days;

2) Talk with both children before the play date or activity;

3) Do not invite the other twin to join in the group play date if he wasn't invited.

4) Reserve the right to not accept the offer if it is too challenging. It was valuable to be flexible.

5) Realize if you do not accept the offer, no ones grows and learns. Other offers may not be forthcoming. ;)

6) Be willing to host extra. Families without twins do not 'get' twins or multiples. So let's not expect them to i.e. host a little extra when you can;

7) Celebrate the differences in each child while building each up ( super twin mommy!). We do these things.

8) Be firm once you have gently explained the situation to the uninvited twin. Growth is good.

9) Always be ready to stand up for the unity of your twins. Do not let anyone 'out' one twin whether it is a child or adult.

10) Go when you can - it's usually a blast.

There is a certain reality to the fact that a percentage of people will shy away from twins - whether it's more work or complete bewilderment. LIkewise there is a percentage of people attracted to them which is why we protect out younglings. And that is the miracle of twins and twin families. We know.

Understand it can and most likely will go wildly 'wrong' sometimes. They are children afterall. And that leads to - remembering to expect to console in the early stages of growth and time away from twinness.

Twins Magazine Bookshelf has a world of options from real psychologists, etc. you can access on this and most topics.

This just happens to be one Twins Mama's thoughts on making play dates work.

Enjoy!

p.s. If all else fails, family playdates are priceless. Have fun!

Tigers Monkeying Around

Really, I didn't intend for this to be a "Wordless Saturday." However, there isn't anything else to say (other than 'train 'em early')except you see why I also call them "my Cherubs."
Warmly,

Mommy Matters, Twins And Letting Go

Summer has me thinking of milestones and letting go. The boys are growing and getting so big. We've finished another school year. I have two first graders! I've never said that before now.

One of the things about being a mother of twins, twins being my only children, is that you are doing life all at once all.the.time! It's sort of like life and parenting in general. Yet, there are no 'do overs,' no doing it again, learning for next time around. Whether it's 9 months, or 2 years. Going at life at this pace, I truly try to savor each minute. Each milestone. Each day.

I have a confession to make. Though I love to teach my boys, I love to let them be boys, children as long as possible too. What's the rush to grow up. Sometimes it's easy to get in the mode of he walked early, he's talking early, he's running, reading, writing... we kind of have the bar set high. That's not even counting if you listen in to overly prideful parents at the playdate or birthday party bragging about thier child.

For us, we love to let the boys enjoy each season. Toward the end of this school year, I noticed that one of the Tigers was asking me to open snacks, juice boxes, etc. just like he had... well all along. Again being a Mom who does it all now at once, it never occurred to me for a while to have him open the box. Yet about May I thought, surely he can do this. And I also thought but I really want to help him. (notice some Mommy letting go angst?) So I continued opening snacks and juices. Then in May with school just a few weeks from ending, Tiger hands me a Rice Krispy Treat snack (yes, I finally discovered Sam's club sells them in variety and I do not have to make them from scratch each time. ;) and was just asking me to open it when he jumped and spun away saying, "I can do this Ms. W. taught me how...!"

Proud of my son, next felt that my son's childhood is 'fleeing' and the next thought was I could have taught him that. So the Mommy Guilt post will be for another day. But I was happy for him becoming a big boy. I vowed to go ahead and let him be more independent.

About two weeks later, Tiger was opening a snack, struggling. And then I had my chance. Tiger, I asked, let me show you something that makes this super easy, You see this little flap.... I was able to complete the lesson. Happy face for this mommy and son,

Do you struggle to let them go, teach independence at whatever age or level? Let me know. Of course, suggestions are a bonus.
Warmly,
Carolina Mama

Mountain Man, The Tigers and Father's Day

Eight years ago we started this journey called parenting. Eight years ago, we were shocked with surprise and sheer bliss at the announcement that we were expecting Twins. Together, we had interviewed the Doctor prior to expecting and found out the reason our friends had so wholeheartedly recommended him to us. We were seven and a half weeks 'expecting' and we had gone together to our 'first' OB/GYN appointment. This day our doctor calmly and quietly spoke the seven words that would forever shape our lives "It looks like there are two of 'them.'" You comprehended what was just said way sooner than I would. Your first words were "We were hoping for Twins." It's funny to me because I didn't immediately recall the conversation where we were 'hoping' were you told me of all of the Twins in your family tree. This left me even more surprised and delighted. Leaving his office that first day, we were walking on clouds. It was surreal. I remember thinking "me" "us!" We knew we were blessed.

You took such good care of me, of us. You were so proud to be a father and a father of twins. It was the end of your Freshman year of College. We took the road less traveled. We followed our dream of my staying home with our children. Many wondered. Many questioned. We carried on. We had our Hands Full. You jumped right in and have been going ever since. It has been a wild ride. A great one. Thank you for being the loving, caring father you are to our twin sons. Happy Father's Day!

Thank you for all you do. Thank you for the time well spent - together. "It's better when we're together...."

Fat Brain Toys and Twin Boys

Like most moms, we're mapping out our summer fun around here. In the Carolinas there are lots of school options. Traditional, Year-Round Tracks I - IV, Homeschool, Private, Public, you get the idea. We are on the Traditional track. Since our school calendar is traditional, we're getting everything we want to do this summer on the calendar.

One thing is for certain, there will be a healthy amount of lazy mornings and/or afternoons at the pool. And I am working on resources to keep the boys sharp academically for Fall. One thing I'm taken back to that is more about our parenting style is activities, toys, and books that make our children think. What joy when I discovered FatBrainToys.com, a great company selling some of our family favorites like these which just happen to need restocking. So check them out and let us know what you're up to this summer.

Our family is expecting some very special family visiting us July 4th. That will no doubt be a highlight.

Our Tale of Two Twins

It happened the other night.  One Twin has lost both front teeth!  The other twin has two baby teeth. The Tales of Two Twins...who are very much a like and yet so much their own little people.  As they long to be bigger boys, Mama is longing to repeat a family tradition, "put a brick on their heads to stop them from growing!" lol   My, if only that would stop time.  My little guy is handsome without his front teeth.  So is my guy with his baby teeth.

Thankful for every minute we have together. 

Warmly, 
CarolinaMama