Twin PlayDate Etiquette

image from Twins Magazine

Admittedly, PlayDate Etiquette s is a slippery slope for any parent. And Twin PlayDate Etiquette gives the 'slope' mountainous proportions.

It's real. I'm going to address it anyway.

Because today I had to do just that. As a mother of Twins, we are learning daily how to navigate the path of parenting multiples. You see as a mama to twins who are my only children. Everyday is a new day, every day is new.

On any given day, I can be vastly experienced or enormously inexperienced.

It started early. The boys were five months old when a sweet friend I met at the "Mommy & Me" classes had a birthday party for her child. This child was her oldest turning 2 and she had her newborn a month before our twins were born.

I'll have to tell you, I was not ready to navigate the waters of birthday parties just when my twin sons were turning five months. However, I wanted to help celebrate with my new friend and her son. So we chose to go.

Both boys were invited. It was great fun.

Fastforward seven years, and the Play Dates( yes we are getting to the edge of the water wherein we must call these events something much more Tiger-ish. Nonetheless.) are in full swing - separate play dates that is. Why does this have to be so difficult? It is not . In theory, it's not. Yet, in a child's mind, it is unthinkable to invite his best friend to a party and not include his soulmate.

You can find some insight here. However, I'll give my own Mama insight here. Because I am the Mama. And we know best - we try to know best, we want to know best, we seek to know and do our best.

Somehow that doesn't make a difference in these situations. Today it happened. Tiger A was invited on a playdate with his friend and 'former classmate.' Since our boys are in different classes this has provided the opportunity for them to make their own friends.

During the school year, it was a delicate balance. Play date with John and play date with Steve. Then I would host all the children. Football camp would ensue, etc. It worked.

Some mothers are not comfortable hosting 'football camp' or large groups of seven year old boys. So that puts Carolina Mama in a precarious position with her sons.

Today, only Twin A had a playdate. Twin B, couldn't shake it. He was sad and then he burst into tears. It seemed so easy to understand to me. So I tried to relay this with ease. I attempted to remind him that his best friend is in Sweden for the summer. It did nothing to console him. Was it even worth it! One child happily playing at his friends while the other child wept. I instantly re-juggled the things we were planning to do.

Then I felt like I should be honest and appeal to his intellect because he does display it regularly besides in his excellent classroom scores. Nothing made sense. Nothing except a little help from Starbucks Vivanno Protein Shake - Banana Mango.

So I found myself thinking of how to navigate this road and how my other multiple moms will handle it too.

We'll just call these:

"Twin Mama Tackles The Separate PlayDates"

1) When you can, schedule both children's play dates on the same day with their respective friends. Unless this, of course, is the coveted "individual time" for the other Twin. We all know "individual time" is to be cherished. This is beneficial once they are comfortable with separate play date days;

2) Talk with both children before the play date or activity;

3) Do not invite the other twin to join in the group play date if he wasn't invited.

4) Reserve the right to not accept the offer if it is too challenging. It was valuable to be flexible.

5) Realize if you do not accept the offer, no ones grows and learns. Other offers may not be forthcoming. ;)

6) Be willing to host extra. Families without twins do not 'get' twins or multiples. So let's not expect them to i.e. host a little extra when you can;

7) Celebrate the differences in each child while building each up ( super twin mommy!). We do these things.

8) Be firm once you have gently explained the situation to the uninvited twin. Growth is good.

9) Always be ready to stand up for the unity of your twins. Do not let anyone 'out' one twin whether it is a child or adult.

10) Go when you can - it's usually a blast.

There is a certain reality to the fact that a percentage of people will shy away from twins - whether it's more work or complete bewilderment. LIkewise there is a percentage of people attracted to them which is why we protect out younglings. And that is the miracle of twins and twin families. We know.

Understand it can and most likely will go wildly 'wrong' sometimes. They are children afterall. And that leads to - remembering to expect to console in the early stages of growth and time away from twinness.

Twins Magazine Bookshelf has a world of options from real psychologists, etc. you can access on this and most topics.

This just happens to be one Twins Mama's thoughts on making play dates work.

Enjoy!

p.s. If all else fails, family playdates are priceless. Have fun!