On My Mother's 80th and Being Purposeful

Grief can't be shared. Everyone carries it alone, his own burden, his own way.            
                                                                             Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Today my mother would have turned "80" years old.  We celebrated her life today with all the ways she has touched our lives for eternity.  We'll never know all that she impacted in her life - until eternity. It was a hard day, it was a day of thankfulness.  

My Mother, Fiance' (at the time) and me.  Colorado Rocky Mountains, 1998.

I am one of five children our parents had together - our family.  I have truly felt what this quote of Anne Lindbergh's expresses. As we are in the days after our Mother's passing, I have realized we will all carry it differently, we will feel and live it differently.  Different and the same.  There are no words. 

When I woke up this morning, the thought occurred to me  - all of my life, we have had my mother's birthday to celebrate, a phone call to make, a gift to give, dinner out.  This day, she is gone.  That's the thing about death, it's so final.

After the death of my father, at a young age, I learned how the loss of a parent can undo a child.  This child. Most know that our Daddy died unexpectedly in the prime of his life. I had just graduated high school. The scripture that our older brother quoted to us that even is one I claim often to this day.  

"We sorrow not as others who have no hope." 

                    I Thessalonians 4:13 

There is great peace in knowing that we have hope in Christ Jesus and we will see - now - our parents again. 

Yet, I also know how God carries you through the darkest nights of grief.  Many years after my Daddy died, I heard in one of my Bible studies that in your darkest trials, God covers you with His hand, you are sheltered in the shadow of His wings/His hand.  Comforting indeed.  I knew this was true as soon as I heard it verbalized.  Those many years, I had lived it, felt it.  And so we have that promise today.

And I love this reality and this 'good news' as well.

“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart..."  Ann Lemott

If the saying, being a mother is to live with your heart beating outside of you; I can say for sure that being a child whose mother has died is like a part of you has died.  We keep the memories we shared.  And the many lessons she taught by her life, the ones I came to fully understand as I became a mother myself. 

Thank God a glorious part of her still lives on and that is what I will remember. I love when family and friends tell me I resemble my mother.  And what a joy at the funeral when the pastor let us know we each carried our father and mother's traits.  Priceless.  

My mother and I used to share quotes, writings, poems and scriptures together.  I loved it.  She often shared this one with me in the years after my Daddy - her "Love" - died. 

The Bustle in a House 

The Morning after Death

Is solemnest of industries

Enacted upon earth-

The Sweeping up the Heart

And putting Love away

We shall not want to use again

Until Eternity.

Emily Dickinson

Only now do I fully understand it.   

Finally, Thank you.  Thank you for being here for showing up, for supporting Carolina Mama and me.  Thank you for your encouraging words. And Thank you all the brands and PR firms I have had the blessing of working with in 2012.  I appreciate your consistent support and partnering together here at Carolina Mama Blog.  

We are excited for 2013 and look forward to the contracts we are working on right now for this year.  I look forward to sharing with you.  Please email me if you have questions and I look forward to working together again this year.  

My word of the year - one little word "OLW" - this year is PURPOSEFUL.   If anything my Mother taught me, it was to be Purposeful in my life and intentions every day.  That is my resolve this year, to be Purposeful.  Everyday by the grace of God.  I anticipate PURPOSEFUL being a good friend this year.  Blessings and Cheers 2013!

Warmly,  Carolina Mama